Hurting My Own Feelings

There are many lessons that one learns when newly married.  Many lessons.  In fact, that is the “one thing most necessary” (I believe) in becoming a new bride (and a new groom)—being a Humble Learner. 

Lately my learning experiences have revolved around my willingness to hurt my own feelings. 

Whaaa? 

I am talking about the hurt feelings that bubble up after you have exercised a measure of self-discipline and just used a powerful word on yourself.  The word… “NO.” Ever experienced the sting of that word as you said it to yourself?  Yeah, it hurts huh?

For the newly married person, it hurts because you have just challenged your subconscious entitlement mentality and/or your sense what-was-normal-when- I-was single.  You really hadn’t thought you carried inside yourself a demanding attitude but you were surprised at just how hard it was to say that “NO” to your wants simply because that would be the wisest choice right now. 

My latest “NO” that I am referring to, involved where and on what to spend of portion of the paycheck.  I need to start out by saying that my husband and I are not destitute and do not truly suffer want in any way, shape, or form.  My husband works hard and faithfully to provide and he does so wonderfully!!!!  I have NO complaints.  From the start, (as of 3 months ago when we got married) we set up certain goals and put some extra restrictions on ourselves in an effort to be conservative until we get more history of household spending.  And for a time, we made the commitment to work in cash. 

So as I portioned out the money this month and made my mental calculations I realized that when faced with “needs” and “things-that- are important-to-me-and-I really-would-like-to have-but-are-still wants,” I would have to make a choice. And I made that choice.  It was a good choice that, like I said, hurt my feelings.   It was a choice that I am glad I am able and willing to make.  Because honestly, how much better it is to hurt now then to not be able to purchase that unexpected thing you didn’t know you needed or being unable to give a little tangible encouragement to someone, or to have that “little bit extra” for later?  How much better to stick to very reasonable goals that you and your husband have committed to than to only please yourself by buying something you wanted?  How much more satisfying and unifying to work hard to steward as much as possible what your sweet, hardworking Hubby has worked hard and faithfully to earn?  How much better to trust God for the definition and provision of your needs and wants?

I am so thankful for the wise, frugal and you-gotta-work-hard sort of upbringing that both my husband and I experienced growing up.  How much more difficult would it be to say “NO” to oneself if you have always had the history (and likely thus expectation) of always getting what you want.  I am thankful for my growing up experience but I find I am still on the path of learning these things myself.  I am also so thankful for God teaching me.

So for you singles out there… do what it takes to develop and cultivate an attitude of giving and of being willing to say no to yourself.  It’s not a sin to wisely enjoy the freedom you have as a single person BUT don’t make things extra hard on yourself and your spouse later by buying what you want, when you want and put NO restrictions on yourself.    It’s just a little piece of practice.  Trust me, you will be smiling later.  :D